For years, I didn’t really know what to look for in a guy. I got caught up in the excitement of words—when a guy seemed interested, I assumed that meant he would act on it. But instead, I found myself stuck in confusion, waiting for him to make a move, believing his words meant something they didn’t.

It wasn’t until I met David Wygant that everything clicked

I didn’t realize how much growing up as an only child in a single-parent household had shaped my understanding of relationships. My counselor later explained that when you don’t have models of healthy relationships around you, you can end up accepting almost any behavior because you don’t understand the difference between genuine interest and surface-level attraction.

I had to learn what was real—what actually made a man show up and invest in a relationship.

Then, on the very first night I met David, he changed everything for me.

He didn’t just hear me—he listened.

And in one simple moment, he showed me the difference between him and the guy I had been interested in. While I had been stuck in the cycle of overanalyzing mixed signals, David simply asked, “How is your daughter?”

It was such a small question, yet it meant everything.

No guy had ever asked me that before—not even the one I had been hoping would step up and show he cared. That moment made me realize the difference between a man who genuinely sees you and a man who is simply looking for his next relationship to fill a void.

So many guys are in it for themselves.

They make it all about their needs, their timeline, their emotional struggles.

But a man who truly cares? He takes an interest in your world. He’s curious about your life, your family, the things that make you you.

That night was the beginning of a deep friendship and mentorship that lasted until David passed away in May of 2023. He didn’t just teach me how to recognize real love and interest—he showed me.

Of course, with David, it was his care as a friend and mentor, not as a romantic partner, but his acceptance of me, that also healed me.

I had learned from him for years, since 2008, and always wanted to go to California to meet him, to take a bootcamp. Being a single mom, I came close to it a few times but did not have the income to go out there.

But he came to me out of fate.

And I consider that I was one of his “last stops” of people he helped before he died. I feel grateful and lucky to have met him, be his friend, have him as my mentor, and to be able to pass on stories about him and what I’ve learned. 

And if you’re out there, still wondering how to tell if someone genuinely cares, here’s what I learned from him:

1. Words Are Cheap—Actions Speak Volumes

A guy can say all the right things, but if he’s not showing up for you, if he’s not making an effort, then those words mean nothing. The right man will follow through.

No matter what I said in our meetups at Starbucks or Whole Foods, David always asked, “See you next month?” Sometimes I was surprised because I thought oh my God, I just bared my soul to David and he saw all this stuff about me. He is surely going to reject me and not want to work with me again.

But that was never the case with him. 

Our “See you next month?” became “See you next month!”

*Smile. Hug!*

2. A Man Who Cares Makes It About You, Not Just Himself

If he only talks about his problems, his needs, and his past relationships, then he’s not really interested in you—he’s just looking for someone to fill a space. The right guy will take an interest in your life.

David was always interested in what was going on with my daughters or my mom. At the time, my mom needed my help at least one day out of the week. He would smile and say something positive when I’d tell him I got my mom out of the house. 

3. You Should Never Have to Chase Clarity

If you’re constantly wondering, Does he like me? Will he make a move? then the answer is probably no. A man who is interested makes it clear. He won’t leave you in a guessing game.

While I didn’t exactly always know what David was thinking or how he felt about some things, he shared a lot about his life too in our meetups. 

 I can’t say I was close enough to him for him to share his diagnosis or struggles with it. I did know he was going through something because after watching his videos and some back and forth emails to him throughout the years, I knew something was off. 

But what I did get from David that was clear was his desire to connect with me. He also realized after a few meetups that I wasn’t going to just be ok with surface-level talk, and he shared enough to connect with me and for both of us to feel seen and heard. 

4. Someone Who Listens Is Someone Who Loves

Real connection isn’t built on surface-level attraction. It’s built on deep listening, understanding, and genuine curiosity about each other’s lives. The guy who truly cares will remember the little things—like asking about your daughter, or other kids, dog, cat, mom, dad, whoever is important in your life.

David taught me these lessons not through advice, but through action. And it’s those lessons that I carry forward, not just in dating, but in life.

Because the right person won’t leave you wondering. They’ll leave you knowing.