Ladies, let’s get real. You’ve met a guy, you’ve been talking for months, maybe 4 or 5, and you’re thinking, Hmm, maybe this could be something. He’s been out of his marriage for years—long enough that he should have his emotional baggage packed and stored away, right?

Wrong.

Instead, every time the conversation dips even slightly toward relationships, he starts talking about her. The ex. The woman who “went crazy,” who “broke” him, who “ruined” his perfect, rock-solid, manly-man existence. He says she tore the family apart, made his life hell, and left him shattered.

And here you are, sitting across from him, wondering why in the world is he telling me all this? Because let’s be honest—this is not the kind of pillow talk that leads to a romantic future.

The Truth? He’s Still Living in the Past

Let me break it down for you: this guy is still emotionally entangled with his ex. It doesn’t matter that they’ve been apart for four years. It doesn’t matter how much he insists he’s “over it.” If he’s still rehashing the drama, still painting himself as the victim, still carrying the weight of that relationship like an anchor tied around his neck—he is not ready for a new relationship.

I figured this out the hard way. I had been talking to this guy for months, and despite all the charm and potential, the constant ex-talk was a glaring red flag. He wasn’t healed. He hadn’t looked at his own role in the past. He hadn’t done the deep work to move forward. And if his heart was still occupied with resentment, regret, or unfinished business—there was no space for me.

So I did what every smart woman should do: I friend-zoned him. Hard.

Ladies, Here’s How to Spot and Handle This Type of Guy

If you don’t want to waste your time on a man who’s emotionally unavailable, here’s what you need to look out for:

1. He Talks About His Ex… A Lot

If he’s bringing her up in casual conversation, if her name keeps creeping in, if he’s giving you unsolicited details about their breakup—huge red flag. A man who is truly over his past relationship is focused on the present and the future, not constantly revisiting history.

2. He Plays the Victim Card

Does he frame the entire breakup as her fault? Does he tell you she was crazy, manipulative, or the one who destroyed everything? Watch out. A guy who refuses to acknowledge his own role in the downfall of a relationship is a guy who hasn’t grown from it. And if he hasn’t learned, guess what? He’s bound to repeat the same patterns with you.

3. He Uses His Past as an Excuse for Emotional Unavailability

If he says things like, I just don’t know if I can love again or I’m still trying to recover from what she did to me, take that as a cue to run. He’s telling you straight up that he’s not available for a real relationship, so believe him.

4. He Hasn’t Done the Work to Heal

A man who has truly moved on has done the work. He’s taken time to process, to reflect, to understand his own mistakes, and to let go. If he hasn’t been to therapy, read a self-help book, or even taken a hard look at himself, then he’s just dragging his baggage straight into his next relationship (and dumping it on you).

Your Move: Friend Zone or Walk Away

Ladies, when you see these red flags, you have two options:

1. Friend zone him and keep it moving. There’s no need to cut him off completely (unless he’s a toxic mess), but don’t invest romantic energy in someone who isn’t ready to give it back.

2. Walk away and don’t look back. If he’s truly stuck in his past and has no intention of healing, it’s not your job to fix him. You deserve a man whose heart is open and available now, not someone who’s still licking his wounds from years ago.

Choose Wisely

A man who is truly ready for love won’t be filling up your conversations with stories of his ex. He’ll be excited about you, interested in you, and focused on what you can build together. If he’s still emotionally tied to his past, don’t waste your time hoping you can change that.

Love isn’t about playing therapist to a broken man. Love is about finding someone who is already whole and ready to build something beautiful with you.

So, beware the guy who talks about his ex. Because if his heart is still stuck in the past, there’s no room for you in his future.

Choose wisely, ladies.